Update....Counting down the days!

Thanks for song picks, it is cool to get to hear some good stuff I haven't heard before. I am looking for stuff that I can use in my aerobics classes too so if you find any fun songs feel free. So okay, I have just finished 9 grad hours in a matter of 3 weeks, I feel like I am going to fall over! But alas, done! and so I am trying to get all my stress out before class starts tomorrow. So I went to the beach and actually got a sunburn and then went to watch a movie with my roommate. So, as life is getting stressful remember to have fun, treat yourself good!

Okay, that was just a little update as I don't want to be all deep all the time! Counting down the days to:

Autumn's Arrival to Orlando - Feb. 17 o 18th?
Africa Orphanage trip - March 9th
Baja Mexico for Laurie's Wedding - April 29th
Grand Canyon Women's Wilderness LT - July 9th

I am SSSSSOOOOOO excited about life lately! Dream big!

Music...

What would you recommend...what are the songs that you LOVE right now or think I have to listen to! Give me your favorite songs.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUTUMN

When your best friend is overseas and it is her birthday nothing seems to satisfy....so please know I love you and I hope you have a wonderful bday...and I didn't mail your present until yesterday...sorry!

I love you!

If I don't, the rocks are gonna cry out!

So, me, yes, I should be studying Hebrew, which is what I have been doing for roughly 7-10 hours a day.....and though I should be studying more... I am updating my blog. You know that verse that says if you don't praise God, the rocks with cry out and praise Him. (and I am in seminary! what kind of translation is that!)

So....follow me, I take a break and meet a classmate for lunch, on my way out I get a phone call from a guy saying he found an envelope with checks made out to me in the parking lot and he wanted to return them....praise God! so I meet him at a gas station and we exchange "the goods" and the he says, by the way, I wanted to give you some money too for that trip! I am like what the heck, this guy doesn't even know me...but he writes out a check, tells me to be safe and he is on his way!

I walk back to my car. stunned. and I can feel God look down at me, just shaking His head, because once again He has blown me away.


Back to Hebrew....

Aren't we a cute family?...Kinsey's wedding!

Dancin'....I love to live!

Okay, it started with getting up to teach a 5:30am spin class at the YMCA....on my way home, it is still dark and I find myself longing for time with the Lord. As I head back to Barb and Anne's I crawl under there Christmas tree (yes, it is still up!) with my Bible and journal and I pray the dawn won't break, nor the silence be disrupted...the time feels so precious. He is there with me, instantly He calls me intimately, me, Israel, He asks to trust Him. I feel like God has called me to a life that He leads, yet I have definitely struggled, wrestled with Him to control it myself, it just feels safer. It's not safer...no, it is actually overwhelming. So again, He asks would you let Me lead? and again I relinquish and say but....will you be faithful, can you prove yourself to me?

and He does. today, I found out my trip to Africa is completely covered, I am going to Africa to touch little orphans and my heart quickens at the thought, the thought of my dreams coming true in front of my eyes. And when I got the call, I began to weep and He whispered...thank you for letting me, this is just the beginning, don't compare, don't control, I will blow you away with what I have in store for you.

so.....there is much fear in letting go, but now the cost is too high to not relinquish, I am more intrigued in what He has in the future for me than what I could ever dream up.

FLORIDA...is it a relapse?

Florida. Home. Hmmmm.......I come home and submerge myself with people: April, The Standingers, Beth, and Toni...I wake up early the next morning ready for school, or looking forward to school so that I don't have to feel what I am feeling maybe because I don't know what I am feeling. So now I am a week into school, I actually see my first client today. It has been a good week, a long week. I have seen God show up alot....I have received support for my first deadline for the Africa trip (which is totally God). Getting back into the swing of things always takes time....and in the midst of that I see God asking me to give up more control to Him. Do I trust Him with everything, with trusting Him where He has put me, with the future, with my calling, with all the things I thought I knew in the past but now am not sure of. I am asking God to help me to be content with all of it, all I don't know and don't see.

I fear my struggle with God sounds boxed.

My friend Tim has this on his online journal and I like it, so......

Current music: Breathe (2am) Anna Nalick
Current mood: growing, unclear of the future, still peaceful

A New Year

Just a quick update, I spent my Christmas in Louisiana and Texas - it was incredible! I have only been home for less than 24 hours and smiled a hundred times telling the stories of being home! I love my family, my friends, and Louisiana and Texas are home to me in many ways! Anyway, after delayed planes, New Orleans holidays, turkish delight with family, poker with friends, fun times with highschool friends, going on dates, new memories with college friends, New Year's parties, and the wedding of my dear precious cousin Kinsey..I returned to Orlando and I'm sitting in a classroom smiling, thinking of the richness of my life! Thank you for being in my life!

Happy New Years!

gringos in Belize

another perfect day in Belize....started off with the sunrise and coffee, then finished the day grilling lobsters with the family. Lobsters that dad, Bon and I hunted with our spearguns! We found a couple of cool spots and dad ran into a moray eel, which is a bit frightening from some gringos but not us. Bon and I found the perfect lobster, I shot and missed and proceeded to just take the spear, chase it down and stab it!!!! (pretty good strategy!) So at the end of the day we cleaned - 13 lobsters, 7 conch, and a crab, it was good eatin'!

p.s. this morning has already begun, Bon took me on her favorite swim as the sun rose over the ocean - then we went for a swing and a seesaw! Now we are going have coffee with dad!

Thriller....

So....I was celebrating the birthdays of three friends, and there was a contest, and with that contest came a prize. Now this is a side of me that doesn't always come out but oh did it....I am competitive. I like to play it off, like I will just do this and it will be nice yet subconsciously I am thinking what the heck will win this crowd over??? And so, I recruited world's greatest choreographer Barb Browne and beckoned her to design the perfect dance, to the perfect song....thriller! She saw my moves and thought dang girl, I am going to have to do this with you if there is any chance of you winning! and alas, Barb saved the day!

U2

You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone
-Bono

I saw U2 in Miami with some friends, we stayed in South Beach, definitely alot of fun! I just have to say that the concert leaves me speechless...most incredible concert I have been to yet!

Pictures of Katrina Relief

Happy Day!

I am not sure if I should say Happy Halloween, Harvest, or Reformation day! It gets confusing for us seminary students!

But this week has encompassed Mardi Gras bead throwing, Magic Kingdom celebrations, introducing my troll/Tina Turner maroon wig to the seminary, and tonight I will be escorted by a princess, a fairy, and a ninja to trick-or-treat! Somewhere between carving pumpkins and roasting pumpkin seeds I remember that these are the things in life which make me smile.

Happy day everyone!

TREASURE!

I went on an invigorating run through my “narnia” forest after the remains of Wilma left us with a brisk wind and cool temperatures. I had gotten back from our Louisiana trip at 4am that morning and slept most of the day, it was good to get some air. Our team of 15, two 12-passenger vans titled “cherry-bomb” and “silver bullet”, and one large truck we filled with donations for hurricane victims made there way to Louisiana for a long weekend.
We unloaded our truck supplies in a small town on the Mississippi/Louisiana border which had been devastated by Katrina. I like millions have watched the news, I have seen the pictures, but I can not describe walking down the streets of neighborhoods which have been demolished, no structure left standing, debris strewn through the trees. Peoples lives, their memories, their treasures, now laid for miles open for the public to stroll through like a garage sale offering you a trash bag to fill for $1.
Our team worked with a small Catholic church, we went from house to house tearing down sheetrock, pulling out floors, removing flooded appliances, etc. I deemed the two breathing masks with orange peels between them our best invention. Through mold, maggots, and mud we searched to offer life to the remains of these massacred homes.
My most heartbreaking discovery was the remains of my home. My heart raced as I drove down the familiar roads, homes I had seen so often now destroyed, and I still found myself hoping ours might have made it. Maybe our home would be salvageable, perhaps my fears would not be true. Turning the corner to our home, I moved into a new genre, I was no longer the relief worker, now I was the victim. The frame of the house was torn, leaving the kitchen and living room exposed. I wept. As if I were attending a funeral, I cried, as if someone had died. I felt silly no one had died, yet hundreds had died, hundreds of memories.
I returned the next day to the house with a small team, we searched through the remains with my aunt and I, yelling “treasure!” every time we found something of worth. I was digging with a shovel through the insulation, broken furniture, and glass in one room, when I found what seemed to be a book, I dug through the mud and pulled out a photo album. The first page I wiped off was a picture of me and my sister as young teenagers with goofy hats on. Again, the tears came, “treasure!” I yelled in through the sobs, “treasure!”.
At dusk, we sat in the driveway, looking through our treasures, we had a few pieces of dishes from my great grandmother, a painting from my aunt, pictures I had found, a bowl my uncle had made, an newspaper article of grandpa’s eulogy and 6 notes from loved ones. Maybe I can explain a little more why it felt like a funeral, no one died, but the physical, tangible memories of many who I have loved where broken, lost, or destroyed. My grandma’s crochete blankets are gone, thousands of our pictures destroyed, multiple pieces of our artwork lost.
I turned on a song by MercyMe called “Homesick” as I ran today, looking at the sun shine through the remains of the now passed hurricane. The sunshine felt so nice after all the rain, as did my treasure, they felt like redemption from so much destruction of the storm. The team I was on loved me well, they walked with me as I dug through my saddest losses of my family’s memories.
How is it that God brings redemption from such tragedy? From such devastation? How is it my heart is still tender towards You, Father? Natural disaster plague us universally in recent months but still I find the tenderness of the Lord here in the debris amidst the mud and the remains. There in the lowest places I find hope. God is good.

kayaking is my new hobby!

And I will glory only in the cross
Yes I will glory only in the cross
And I will make my boast in the Lord Jesus Christ
Crucified to ransom us.

Crucified to ransom us. I sang that while I sat in the middle of the lake watching the ripples from the wind. It was a long week, I was in Texas and Louisiana. It was bittersweet. Moments of embracing dear friends were priceless and the pain of driving into my home state and encountering all the debris from what has been titled a natural disaster. There were all levels of intimacy and shallowness, I suspect it is what we call survival mode. Survival mode. When I know the Lord has called me to LIVE…yet living is so exhausting and painful. So today when tears began to spill down my face during class I knew He was tugging on my heart. Don’t survive, babe, live. I grab a kayak and paddle my frustrations all the way out to the middle of the lake…where I am surrounded by Him alone. He doesn’t answer my fears, my pain, my anger, my hope, but He doesn’t have to because He is there, all around me.

Where are you?

I hung up the phone as I reached the doorway to class just a minute late. As I found my seat in the classroom I remember thinking life is getting a little too methodical, I want to make out with someone. You might find that odd but there are days, which I call make out days that I would just about mug down with anyone....too honest? well there it is. I mean, I never act on it. To explain this shows how I was relating to the Lord, I mean, in our relationship it has been alot of hardship and loyalty lately. Not much room for passion, a long time since we have had a "make out session". I mean this in the most non-sexual way, I miss the passion. Anyway, class begins and through the next 2 classes I feel the longing grow, and the Lord even asking me if I could meet Him in the woods behind school this afternoon. In our last class, we were talking about Gen. 3 and how God called out to Adam and Eve....where are you? we discussed what the meant. so strongly I felt the Lord say I was calling to them because I am lost without them, they are a part of Me. Christy, you are a part of Me...there is a loss when I am without you. I found myself racing to the back to the campus to find a favorite little brook that I love to sit by and there I told the Lord that I feared He could not quench my needs, my wants, my passion. It began to lightning and thunder loudly, and the rain came. I let them pour down on me, I let His answer to my desire reach deep into the crevices of my doubts.

Did someone MUTE the world?

It seems like the world has been muted since Katrina hit, somehow colors don't look as brilliant as before nor does excitement come as easy. My heart hurts for my state, for these people who have lost so much....i don't know how to feel but I feel. The world is going on around me, helping hands are so near, but still I am sad to watch the pain and devastation. I am torn between jumping into helping yet feeling the weight of the tragedy because it is in my backyard. Thank you for praying.

c girl

Katrina...

I don't think Katrina will be a popular girls name for the next couple decades...but I wanted to update you guys, because many have asked.....my family is safe, there has been so much going on we are all overwhelmed. My aunt Jinx lost her house, and we lost our favorite family camp, and my parents had a couple of trees fall but miraculously their house came out okay! Mike (my stepdad will be relocated to Houston, and mom will probably rent a place so that she can go to work. We lost some family friends and still are unsure of everything for the future. Please pray for all of the victims of Katrina.

Family, Harry Potter, and school....

My mom and brother came visit me in Orlando...so we had fun times hanging at Disney and getting pedicures! Then I was in Louisiana last week to spend time with the family and paint with my Memaw....home now.

School started yesterday, so somewhere between my break down in the theological requirements for salvation and talking about where I am at with the Lord, I decided this program is alot more about getting to my heart than attaining a masters degree. I am a wrestless woman, always desiring to move to the next thing, continually uncontent with where I am....it has to stop. I can't live this way, this gypsy blood is stealing from me what I am most longing for. So that is school.

As far as my title... i have just finished Harry Potter, I know, I know....I loved it. Here is my point - Dumbledore who is Harry's mentor explains to him that the reason Harry is more powerful than the Dark Lord is because Harry has known LOVE. (key word here!) so it chapel we talked about Eph. 4:15 (community is powerful because it is united by LOVE) okay, so I race to disect Gal. 5:17 (we are continually battling the spiritual war) and it simply occured to me that we are victorious because we have known Love, Christ's love. I could go on and on...but just thought this tidbit might make some sense.

Please pray that the Lord would teach me how to be content!

Swimming lessons

i should be finishing this 160 questions test that is due tomorrow or atleast working on the paper that is also due...but no! my mind won't let me. I can't concentrate enough on such minimal things. i am battling this crazy heart of mine, she keeps posing these questions, these scenarios and i can't seem to get far enough away from my past. the what if questions will anhilate anyone. i am a mess. this heart, these emotions, this life....messy. so if you are signing up to be in this with me, hold on because even i am confused.

yesterday before work i was outside the gym by the pool watching the children take swimming lessons. on the far corner were the babies and i watched in unbelief as these toddlers were taken in the water and left on their backs crying as they choked and fretfully paddled to the side. Over and over the instructor would pull them out a little farther, note the children are wailing and the parents clapping and videotaping! I was appalled, thinking to myself surely there is a better way! Yet the children weren't in any harm, the instructor was right there in the water with them and the parents close by.

i fear this may be a reflection of what i feel these days....as if God keeps pulling me back further and further from the side of the pool (safety) and i am wailing as friends and family cheer me on. my mind races....Am i losing the battle? Will i ever learn how to swim? i am longing for the lesson to be done...for someone to wrap me up in a towel and carry me home. the only problem is there will be more lessons, for the goal is not getting through each lesson rather it is learning to swim.

i got home after my spin class with pent up energy still begging to be released so i set out to explore my new neighborhood. A couple miles into the lightning filled night I found a lone swing set and I allowed my heart to be a child, vulnerable with the Lord. I shared with Him my doubt, confessed my pride and fear. I wept. If I had to associate myself with a Biblical character at this point it would be Hagar, Sarah's maidservant. I have been faithful to do what i thought i was supposed to be doing. I have laid down my life and now I am being left behind, left alone, left to perish...but I know the Lord comes and He delivers me. Hagar calls Him, the One Who Sees Me.

So here i am, i can tell you He sees me and i am on this journey still. I am learning to swim.