Sunday, November 20, 2005

U2




You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone
-Bono

I saw U2 in Miami with some friends, we stayed in South Beach, definitely alot of fun! I just have to say that the concert leaves me speechless...most incredible concert I have been to yet!

Pictures of Katrina Relief




Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Day!

I am not sure if I should say Happy Halloween, Harvest, or Reformation day! It gets confusing for us seminary students!

But this week has encompassed Mardi Gras bead throwing, Magic Kingdom celebrations, introducing my troll/Tina Turner maroon wig to the seminary, and tonight I will be escorted by a princess, a fairy, and a ninja to trick-or-treat! Somewhere between carving pumpkins and roasting pumpkin seeds I remember that these are the things in life which make me smile.

Happy day everyone!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

TREASURE!

I went on an invigorating run through my “narnia” forest after the remains of Wilma left us with a brisk wind and cool temperatures. I had gotten back from our Louisiana trip at 4am that morning and slept most of the day, it was good to get some air. Our team of 15, two 12-passenger vans titled “cherry-bomb” and “silver bullet”, and one large truck we filled with donations for hurricane victims made there way to Louisiana for a long weekend.
We unloaded our truck supplies in a small town on the Mississippi/Louisiana border which had been devastated by Katrina. I like millions have watched the news, I have seen the pictures, but I can not describe walking down the streets of neighborhoods which have been demolished, no structure left standing, debris strewn through the trees. Peoples lives, their memories, their treasures, now laid for miles open for the public to stroll through like a garage sale offering you a trash bag to fill for $1.
Our team worked with a small Catholic church, we went from house to house tearing down sheetrock, pulling out floors, removing flooded appliances, etc. I deemed the two breathing masks with orange peels between them our best invention. Through mold, maggots, and mud we searched to offer life to the remains of these massacred homes.
My most heartbreaking discovery was the remains of my home. My heart raced as I drove down the familiar roads, homes I had seen so often now destroyed, and I still found myself hoping ours might have made it. Maybe our home would be salvageable, perhaps my fears would not be true. Turning the corner to our home, I moved into a new genre, I was no longer the relief worker, now I was the victim. The frame of the house was torn, leaving the kitchen and living room exposed. I wept. As if I were attending a funeral, I cried, as if someone had died. I felt silly no one had died, yet hundreds had died, hundreds of memories.
I returned the next day to the house with a small team, we searched through the remains with my aunt and I, yelling “treasure!” every time we found something of worth. I was digging with a shovel through the insulation, broken furniture, and glass in one room, when I found what seemed to be a book, I dug through the mud and pulled out a photo album. The first page I wiped off was a picture of me and my sister as young teenagers with goofy hats on. Again, the tears came, “treasure!” I yelled in through the sobs, “treasure!”.
At dusk, we sat in the driveway, looking through our treasures, we had a few pieces of dishes from my great grandmother, a painting from my aunt, pictures I had found, a bowl my uncle had made, an newspaper article of grandpa’s eulogy and 6 notes from loved ones. Maybe I can explain a little more why it felt like a funeral, no one died, but the physical, tangible memories of many who I have loved where broken, lost, or destroyed. My grandma’s crochete blankets are gone, thousands of our pictures destroyed, multiple pieces of our artwork lost.
I turned on a song by MercyMe called “Homesick” as I ran today, looking at the sun shine through the remains of the now passed hurricane. The sunshine felt so nice after all the rain, as did my treasure, they felt like redemption from so much destruction of the storm. The team I was on loved me well, they walked with me as I dug through my saddest losses of my family’s memories.
How is it that God brings redemption from such tragedy? From such devastation? How is it my heart is still tender towards You, Father? Natural disaster plague us universally in recent months but still I find the tenderness of the Lord here in the debris amidst the mud and the remains. There in the lowest places I find hope. God is good.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

kayaking is my new hobby!

And I will glory only in the cross
Yes I will glory only in the cross
And I will make my boast in the Lord Jesus Christ
Crucified to ransom us.

Crucified to ransom us. I sang that while I sat in the middle of the lake watching the ripples from the wind. It was a long week, I was in Texas and Louisiana. It was bittersweet. Moments of embracing dear friends were priceless and the pain of driving into my home state and encountering all the debris from what has been titled a natural disaster. There were all levels of intimacy and shallowness, I suspect it is what we call survival mode. Survival mode. When I know the Lord has called me to LIVE…yet living is so exhausting and painful. So today when tears began to spill down my face during class I knew He was tugging on my heart. Don’t survive, babe, live. I grab a kayak and paddle my frustrations all the way out to the middle of the lake…where I am surrounded by Him alone. He doesn’t answer my fears, my pain, my anger, my hope, but He doesn’t have to because He is there, all around me.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Where are you?

I hung up the phone as I reached the doorway to class just a minute late. As I found my seat in the classroom I remember thinking life is getting a little too methodical, I want to make out with someone. You might find that odd but there are days, which I call make out days that I would just about mug down with anyone....too honest? well there it is. I mean, I never act on it. To explain this shows how I was relating to the Lord, I mean, in our relationship it has been alot of hardship and loyalty lately. Not much room for passion, a long time since we have had a "make out session". I mean this in the most non-sexual way, I miss the passion. Anyway, class begins and through the next 2 classes I feel the longing grow, and the Lord even asking me if I could meet Him in the woods behind school this afternoon. In our last class, we were talking about Gen. 3 and how God called out to Adam and Eve....where are you? we discussed what the meant. so strongly I felt the Lord say I was calling to them because I am lost without them, they are a part of Me. Christy, you are a part of Me...there is a loss when I am without you. I found myself racing to the back to the campus to find a favorite little brook that I love to sit by and there I told the Lord that I feared He could not quench my needs, my wants, my passion. It began to lightning and thunder loudly, and the rain came. I let them pour down on me, I let His answer to my desire reach deep into the crevices of my doubts.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Did someone MUTE the world?

It seems like the world has been muted since Katrina hit, somehow colors don't look as brilliant as before nor does excitement come as easy. My heart hurts for my state, for these people who have lost so much....i don't know how to feel but I feel. The world is going on around me, helping hands are so near, but still I am sad to watch the pain and devastation. I am torn between jumping into helping yet feeling the weight of the tragedy because it is in my backyard. Thank you for praying.

c girl

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Katrina...

I don't think Katrina will be a popular girls name for the next couple decades...but I wanted to update you guys, because many have asked.....my family is safe, there has been so much going on we are all overwhelmed. My aunt Jinx lost her house, and we lost our favorite family camp, and my parents had a couple of trees fall but miraculously their house came out okay! Mike (my stepdad will be relocated to Houston, and mom will probably rent a place so that she can go to work. We lost some family friends and still are unsure of everything for the future. Please pray for all of the victims of Katrina.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Family, Harry Potter, and school....

My mom and brother came visit me in Orlando...so we had fun times hanging at Disney and getting pedicures! Then I was in Louisiana last week to spend time with the family and paint with my Memaw....home now.

School started yesterday, so somewhere between my break down in the theological requirements for salvation and talking about where I am at with the Lord, I decided this program is alot more about getting to my heart than attaining a masters degree. I am a wrestless woman, always desiring to move to the next thing, continually uncontent with where I am....it has to stop. I can't live this way, this gypsy blood is stealing from me what I am most longing for. So that is school.

As far as my title... i have just finished Harry Potter, I know, I know....I loved it. Here is my point - Dumbledore who is Harry's mentor explains to him that the reason Harry is more powerful than the Dark Lord is because Harry has known LOVE. (key word here!) so it chapel we talked about Eph. 4:15 (community is powerful because it is united by LOVE) okay, so I race to disect Gal. 5:17 (we are continually battling the spiritual war) and it simply occured to me that we are victorious because we have known Love, Christ's love. I could go on and on...but just thought this tidbit might make some sense.

Please pray that the Lord would teach me how to be content!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Swimming lessons

i should be finishing this 160 questions test that is due tomorrow or atleast working on the paper that is also due...but no! my mind won't let me. I can't concentrate enough on such minimal things. i am battling this crazy heart of mine, she keeps posing these questions, these scenarios and i can't seem to get far enough away from my past. the what if questions will anhilate anyone. i am a mess. this heart, these emotions, this life....messy. so if you are signing up to be in this with me, hold on because even i am confused.

yesterday before work i was outside the gym by the pool watching the children take swimming lessons. on the far corner were the babies and i watched in unbelief as these toddlers were taken in the water and left on their backs crying as they choked and fretfully paddled to the side. Over and over the instructor would pull them out a little farther, note the children are wailing and the parents clapping and videotaping! I was appalled, thinking to myself surely there is a better way! Yet the children weren't in any harm, the instructor was right there in the water with them and the parents close by.

i fear this may be a reflection of what i feel these days....as if God keeps pulling me back further and further from the side of the pool (safety) and i am wailing as friends and family cheer me on. my mind races....Am i losing the battle? Will i ever learn how to swim? i am longing for the lesson to be done...for someone to wrap me up in a towel and carry me home. the only problem is there will be more lessons, for the goal is not getting through each lesson rather it is learning to swim.

i got home after my spin class with pent up energy still begging to be released so i set out to explore my new neighborhood. A couple miles into the lightning filled night I found a lone swing set and I allowed my heart to be a child, vulnerable with the Lord. I shared with Him my doubt, confessed my pride and fear. I wept. If I had to associate myself with a Biblical character at this point it would be Hagar, Sarah's maidservant. I have been faithful to do what i thought i was supposed to be doing. I have laid down my life and now I am being left behind, left alone, left to perish...but I know the Lord comes and He delivers me. Hagar calls Him, the One Who Sees Me.

So here i am, i can tell you He sees me and i am on this journey still. I am learning to swim.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Pura Vida con mi familia!

Safely home....and in class!

We returned home from a great trip in Costa Rica! I am invigorated to live my life in a rainforest and live off of the medicinal herbs, speaking Spanish and eating mangos for the rest of my life!! But I have found myself in class everyday from 8-5pm and it is beginning to be a bit of a kill joy.
SSSOOO...I am holding on until mid-August when I can go on my next adventure!!! I moved into a house (not one that I bought, i decided it wasn't the best investment) but I have two great roommates!! My mom and Paul come in this weekend for fun times in Orlando....tune in next time for pictures of my mom's sexy legs!

A little tidbit on what God is teaching me about myself: "Whatever comes, cannot alter one thing. If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. IT would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in cloths of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it." The Little Princess
I believe one of our most terrifying battles is being the person no one sees.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

¡Pura Vida!

Well, you have to love international keyboards....all the letters are a little bit different! So I have a little time and I can´t email back everyone so I am going to post on the blog so you guys can hear from me!!! Costa Rica is awesome, it is so much more touristy than two years ago, but it is still just as beautiful as ever! I will post pictures when I get home but here is a little tid bit of our trip so far....We started by checking out Volcan Poas and La Paz waterfalls in Alejuela, then moved onto Arenal Volcano where we were able to hike on the lava flow!! We swam in the hot springs and behind the waterfall in La Fortuna. We have now made our way from Monteverde where we ziplinned through the rainforest and hiked the cloudforest to a secluded beach in Playa nicoya where we have spent the day surfing and tomorrow will go deep sea fishing! okay, I have to run but life is phenomenal....Pura vida!!

Monday, June 20, 2005

Should I Stay or Should I Go....

I am not sure when I became a grown up....I am sitting here crunching numbers, trying to figure out if house is a good investment, if a masters is a good investment, or if any of it is worth it considering the stress I am feeling. I found a house today, two houses in fact, and I feel torn between which is the better option. Like most of my decisions, I ask for advice from a multitude of sources only to find out that in the end it is me alone who has to live with my decision. Commitment paralyzes me.....why am I so afraid? I remember being fearless once, I remember having no cares, I remember the world being mine to conquer....

So fear not, I have decided to jump. Jump into the paralyzing fear of commitment. Jesus asked Philip once how to feed hundreds, simply to stretch Philip's faith....for Jesus already knew the answer. I am trusting that Jesus knows the answer to how my life will be provided for.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Night Shark Fishing Birthday

9117 Days Old

About 20 of us celebrated my birthday night shark fishing off Cape Canaveral - we caught mostly Atlantic white shark though someone got a hammerhead but had to throw it back! I only caught a "charity" shark, for the record I had to sharks break my line, but then one guy let me reel his in! We took about 12 sharks home with us and plan to have a grill out soon! Note: furthest visiting friend, was my friend Zach who I like to think flew in from Qatar just to come celebrate!

I had a smaller party with a few friends which was really special to have them love on me....and tons of people called on my birthday and sent packages. I was journaling later last night, thinking through the last 25 years. I feel completely blessed at the life I have been given, my friends, family, and experiences bring me to tears of awe at how God has given me more than I could ever ask for. I am well-loved and this may be the greatest gift I have experienced in my entire life.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Waiting for my wings to dry...

Okay, there has been so much going on, I haven't seemed to have a moment to update everyone....so here goes, I have decided to start the Master in Counseling here in Orlando this July is my first class...so in the mean time I will finish up at Great Commission Ministries (May 13th is my last day!), I will go to Texas for a couple of weeks and spending time with amazing people, look into buying a house, taking some fun trips with friends...destination looking like Egypt! A family vacation to Costa Rica and hopefully getting to visit my dad in Belize before the summer is done!

SO....in all this I find myself changing, growing, committing, and blossoming (that sounds like such a stupid verb) I should rather say that I am in a new stage, this is my chrysalis. It is the end part when the butterfly is out of the cocoon but must
wait for her wings to dry.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Paul and I at Freebirds...I got a Super Monster

I am not afraid of Monsters, I eat them!

I got to visit Freebirds last week....it was so wonderful!! It is my favorite burrito place in the whole world. I love Texas!

Monday, April 04, 2005

Louisiana Easter with the family