Having Lost All Sensitivity...

5:15 AM - every morning this week, and it is only Tuesday. Yikes! I have started teaching a spinning class at 5:45am and it is kicking my butt (so is the 63 year old woman in my class, I think I may just let her teach from here on out!). I thought I was a pretty funny and entertaining girl....but I found out I am not much of anything at that time!

I am beginning to feel more anxious as I think of my future, everyday I seem to here the voice begin to ask again....what will you make of this life of yours? My hearts response is so much different than before...whatever the Lord decides to make me passionate about, whatever He consumes my heart with! Well this sounds easy enough except when me, the most passionate person I know (other than Sarah Brown) has lost her passion.

So the adventure begins, as explore my passions anew. A small surge of excitement runs through as I feel this time it will look a little more healthier. This verse caught me this morning-

(paraphrased Ephesians 4:19; 5:!) you must no longer live in the futility of their thinking. having lost all sensitivity, with a continual lust for more. ....instead, live a life of love.

Having lost all sensitivity with a continual lust for more.....that is so much me. I have lost my sensitivity to anything around me because I am so consumed with myself. I am continually lusting for more. Whether it is because I don't want to feel the full weight of my heart or just enslaved to stimulation, I have become addicted to being entertained by everything. Even my times alone are monitored by a performance.

Here is the healing....instead, live a life of love! Oh wow, my heart melts as if a weight lifts and this secret hope is uncovered from the weight of these huge boulders I have carried for so long. You mean I can drop all of these things and just love, freely love?

Instead, live a life of love.